I Am My Own Grandpa

Alec sat alone, under a large, dead tree. He closed his eyes and concentrated, and soon the smell of sulfur was strong on the air.

“You have something to report?” Lucie rumbled, his voice steely and cold.

“I do,” Alec answered. He proceeded to tell his Lord what he had overheard at Jon’s house, surprised at the slightest twinge of guilt he felt in the back of his mind.

Through the recitation, Lucifer paced back and forth, and the grass beneath his feet withered and died. When Alec finished telling his tale, Lucie smiled an awful, evil smile.

“You have done well, Centurian,” he intoned. “Now, you must away back to that dwelling and delay their departure. I must prepare for their arrival.”

“How should I do that, my Lord?” Alec asked, the twinge now becoming more of a throb.

“It makes no difference to me,” Lucie answered impatiently. “Just make it so.”

“Yes, my Lord,” Alec said, and scurried away.

Long after Alec had left the wood, Lucie still paced while he plotted in his head. Though he had had a lifetime to prepare for this day, he never truly believed it would come to pass. Now that it had, he had to make sure his plan was perfect.

* * * *

Fiona was sulking. Through no fault of his own Jon, wielding Excalibur, out-sparred her.

“At least you got in a good strike,” Richie said, eyeballing the rapidly healing scar on Jon’s arm. Fiona had slashed him during their duel.

“Aye, but he should not have bested me,” Fiona replied, nearly sticking out her bottom lip.

“’Twas not him that bested you, dear sister,” Morganna said, smiling. “’Twas Excalibur. Surely you didn’t believe you could out-fight such a warrior.”

“I thought I would do better than I had,” Fiona groused.

“There’s always next time,” Jon said cheerfully. “I will gladly give you a rematch.”

Before Fiona could start an argument with Jon, Morganna spoke up. “Now is the time to lay out our plans,” she said. “I must let you know what you will encounter, at least as much as I know, and we must decide our course of action.”

“Agreed,” Richie said. “I really want to know what to expect.” He led the foursome into the dining room, and they all took seats at the table; Jon and Fiona on one side, Richie and Morganna on the other.

Morganna looked at Richie. “Do you remember what I showed you in the water?” she asked softly. When Richie just nodded, she continued. “Accolon was a warrior; a knight in Arthur’s court. He was killed in a mighty battle with Mordred. We believe, nay, we know, that when spirits as strong and just as Accolon’s depart their human hosts, they do not fade away – they simply await the opportunity to be born again.”

Richie hadn’t taken his eyes off of Morganna as she spoke. Slowly, he started shaking his head. “You mean to tell me, that not only do I look like your dead boyfriend, that I am him? No. No way.”

“It is so,” Morganna said softly. “The more I see of you – your bravery, generosity, and humorous spirit – the more I am convinced. You are the only one who can go into the cave. Another human would not be able to see the cave opening, and if they try to follow you, they will be unable to pass.”

“’Unable’?” Jon asked. “Like a force field or something?”

Morganna frowned. “I do not know, but you would walk into the rock-face you see before you, even while Accolon – apologies, Richard – passes through it unharmed.”

Richie shook his head. “That sounds far-fetched.”

Jon just laughed. “What about this whole thing has been close-fetched? Man, we’ve seen shit that would straighten D’s hair. I hate to say it, and this does NOT mean I was wrong, but what’s the harm in going? If you don’t see the cave opening, we come home, and the fairies – SORRY!—fey go look for another jamoke.”

Fiona led them to the back garden, to the ring of stones hidden there. They joined hands, each fey with her charge, and stepped into the ring. Just before they disappeared, Jon heard the faint sound of his doorbell.

The pink of the sunset had barely started fading to mauve when the brothers and the fey appeared in the large circle of stones. The first stars of night hadn’t even started twinkling in the sky, but the hush of darkness had already settled on the area along with the light dew of evening.

Jon was the first to comment on where they were. “Stonehenge? You brought us to Stonehenge?”

“Stonehenge is a fairy ring? Cool,” Richie grinned as he looked around.

Morganna was the one to explain. “Stonehenge is the most powerful ring ever. It is so much more than a ‘fairy ring’. It’s also the gateway to Avalon.”

“Sister,” Fiona cautioned Anna about saying too much.

Morganna shrugged her off. “Fee, I’m to the point of breaking. I care not about them ‘knowing too much’.”

Jon grinned. “I think she means the breaking point.”

Fiona spoke over him. “I care. They need to keep their minds on one task at a time. I will not have them preoccupied during a battle.”

“So you think we will be attacked here?” Jon asked, looking around.

Fiona also looked around, scanning the horizon for signs of trouble. “I am not sure,” she admitted. “It would do for us to be cautious, however, and on our guard.” She nailed her sister with a stern look. “And having a myriad of new questions in your mind to be answered will not help you be wary.”

Morganna’s shoulders slumped. “You have made your point, sister.”

“Alright,” Richie said, clapping his hands together once and smiling widely. “What do we do now?”

“Now,” Morganna said, “we visit Accolon’s tomb.” Her plain language shocked the men, and truth be told, she shocked herself a bit.

“Alright then,” Richie said, a little less enthusiastic now. “Lead the way.”

Morganna led them away from the circle of stones and toward a grouping of trees . The trees seemed to be clustered around a boulder that sat near the precipice of a cliff. “Here,” she said, indicating the stone.

“’Here’ what?” Jon asked, looking around. “There’s nothing here but a stone and,” he took a step near the edge and peered over, “shit, a really steep cliff.”

“Are you kiddin’ man?” Richie said, walking straight over to the rock. “There’s a cave right here.”

“Right where?” Jon came to stand by Richie. “There’s nothing here.”

“It is enchanted,” Fiona reminded them, “to keep it protected. Only the fey, and the one meant to enter the cave, can see it.”

“And Richie is the one meant to enter?” Jon looked at the rock dubiously.

Morganna lightly rested her hand on Jon’s forearm. “If he can see the opening, then that removes any doubt. He is the one. He is Accolon.”

“And what do I have to do exactly?”Richie asked. “Remind me one more time. I just go in, get the sword, and come out, yes?”

Fiona nodded at Richie, though her head swiveled around on her neck. Something wasn’t right. She cold feel it. “Aye, tis correct. Don’na ye be lingerin',” she said, her brogue getting thicker in her agitation. “Else twill be bad fah ya.”

“Got it,” Richie said, swallowing hard.

“Be careful man,” Jon said. “This is serious shit. Do your thing and get your ass back here. I’d miss it if it were gone.”

Richie nodded. “You got it, man. You watch your back here.” He turned back to the black opening and took a step toward it.

Just before Richie stepped into the cave, Morganna added, “No matter what you may see or hear in that tomb, please, come back quickly.”

Richie smiled, dimples flashing. “Don’t you worry, darlin’,” he said. “I’ve got somethin’ to come back for.” He pressed a hurried kiss on her lips, and stepped through the mouth of the cave.

“If I didn’t see it with my own eyes,” Jon said, agog, “I wouldn’t have believed it. He’s gone.”

“Not gone,” Fiona said. “Not yet.” She looked at her sister, who was standing shell-shocked, staring into the depths of the cave. “So and are ya all here, sis?” she said. “Ya canna be flittin’ off now. D’ya feel wha’ ahm feelin’?”

Morganna brought her attention back to the present. She could feel something on the air. Something electric. Unpleasantly so. “Gird yourself, mortal,” Morganna said, blinking into warrior garb.

“Aye,” Fiona said, her own clothing changed. “Ready yerself.”

* * * *

A quarter mile away, a low, black cloud formed on the horizon. A hissing and snarling grew louder as the cloud descended toward the earth. As it touched down, the cloud dissolved into a trio of humanoid beasts and one very beautiful looking man.

“I know they are near,” Lucifer growled. “I can practically smell my sisters.” He scanned the distance with eyes sharper than those of an eagle. He cocked his head, listening for the faintest sound on the breeze. As he listened, a smile broke across his handsome features. “Ah, they are near,” he said. “Go,” he ordered his minions. “Go and fetch the chosen one. Do not disappoint me again. You will not be happy with the consequences.”

* * * *

Richie looked behind him, and saw Jon and the girls looking around like they expected to be attacked at any minute. “Get your ass movin’ then, asshole,” he muttered to himself. He peered ahead into the darkness. “How the fuck am I supposed to find anything in this place,” he muttered. “Oh well, in and out, right? It can’t be that hard.”

He placed his right hand on the cave’s walls and started forward. He hadn’t gone five steps before a torch above his head lit of its own accord. Richie smiled. “That’s fucking cool,” he said. He stepped back and saw the torch extinguish. Stepping forward once more, it once again lit, and Richie shook his head. “Damn.” He made his way forward, checking behind him every few steps. As he passed through to the edge of the cone of light each torch provided, it went out, leaving darkness in its wake. He could no longer see the mouth of the cave, and hoped that Jon and the girls were okay.

* * * *

“How long do we leave him down there,” Jon asked, the girls’ anxiety making him edgy. “Can we go in after him if he doesn’t come out?”

“No,” Morganna said quietly. “And lower your voice. We do not know who is watching us.”

“What do you mean ‘no’!” Jon yelled, heedless of Morganna’s warning. In the distance, the ears of Lucifer’s beasts pricked up, and they shifted direction, heading toward the copse of trees.

“It is just as the riddle said,” Morganna answered. “He must go alone and not linger . He must come out on his own, with the sword.”

“Sister,” Fiona warned, staring at the dark shadows on the horizon.

“Aye, I see,” Morganna answered. “Concentrate now on staying alive,” she said to Jon. “Accolon – Richard – will have to take care of himself.”

* * * *

Richie found himself in a large hollowed out room, ringed with lit torches. In the center was what looked like a stone sarcophagus, on a raised platform. Ornate mirrors and tapestries adorned the walls. He could not see the ceiling of the room, but guessed that the torches had to be at least fifty feet up.

“No fucking way,” Richie said. “I am not robbing a fucking grave.”

“It is not stealing if you take that which is yours,” a strong voice said from behind him.

“Who the fuck is that?” he said, spinning around.

Richie caught his reflection in the mirror directly behind him. Only it wasn’t his reflection – not exactly. The face was right, but the hair and clothing was all wrong. Richie approached the mirror. “Holy shit,” he whispered. “This isn’t happening.”

“Ah, but ‘tis happening,” Accolon answered. “There is no way around it. And you will be fighting soon.”

“But I have so many questions,” Richie said. “How is all this happening? What happened with you and Morganna? Am I really you reincarnated, so I’m talking to myself?” He shook his head. “That’s fucked up.”

“I can answer all your questions,” Accolon said. “Come, sit.”

Richie looked around and found a wooden stool. He pulled it over to the mirror and sat in front of it. “Tell me about this place. Is this really your tomb? How is it that you’re in the mirror? Is it your spirit?”

Accolon laughed. “Yes to all of it. My remains are in that tomb behind you, and Merlin put me here to guard it.”

“I thought that it’d be safe, seeing as how only the fey know of this place.”

“Yes,” Accolon said, “it is true that her brother and others of his ilk lack the ‘pure magick’ necessary to enter this place, but if they have control over the one, the, well, me, then they can gain the Sword of Dorado. Though its power does not match that of Excalibur, it is very strong. Its power could easily be abused.”

“Where is the sword? Is it in, you know, the crypt?” Richie grimaced involuntarily.

“No,” Accolon laughed. “Heavens, man, it has been hundreds of years since I have laughed so. No, Dorado is under the crypt.”

“How do I move it?” Already Richie was circling the heavy sarcophagus, looking for rails or wheels or something.

“You don’t.” Accolon disappeared from the mirror and the crypt started to slide slowly off its pedestal. Richie saw the glint of something in the torchlight. Gold. Dorado. He slid his hand in quickly and noted the sword was cool to his touch. He levered the sword from its resting place. Almost immediately, the sword warmed in his hand, and started to pulse. Slowly, like Richie’s own heart. As he hefted the weapon, he caught his reflection in the mirrors. For a moment, he saw an armored knight shadowing his motions. When he caught the eye of his reflection, a flood of memories, Accolon’s memories, invaded his brain.

Crying out in surprise, Richie dropped to one knee, never letting go of the sword. “Sweet mother of God,” he whispered, as visions of Morganna, conversations with Merlin, and fights with baddies of all shapes and sizes all found homes in his memory. Richie felt weak and so tired. If he could just rest for a little while, he would be better able to help Jon and the girls when he got out of this godforsaken hole.

“You must hurry,” Accolon said. “I can see you weakening.”

“Nah, nah, I’m just, this is overwhelming. All my questions are answered. All of them. Including how the hell we can beat Lucifer. We can’t.”

“You can,” Accolon said, “but you cannot destroy him. There is a difference. Search your memories, and you will see.”

Richie did just that, flashing to a conversation Accolon had with Merlin about good and evil. He heard the wizard speak of the necessity of both good and evil in the world. How they balanced each other out, and though the powers of good were far stronger than those of evil, they could not be brought to bear fully, or the balance of the universe would be torn asunder. For without evil, how would one recognize that which was good?

“I see you remember,” Accolon said, fading in the mirror. “You have the knowledge you need. Go now, you must go.”

Richie nodded. “Okay, okay, I’m going.” He left the room, stopping to look over his shoulder. “Fucked up,” he said again. Hefting the sword in his hand, running his palm over its length he took a deep breath. “Let’s get this done.”

*****

“What the fuck is taking him so long,” Jon grumbled. “I’m getting tired of this surrounded by demons shit.”

“Steady,” Fiona said, steel creeping into her voice.

The trio of beasts had them cornered. They could not move back any further, or they would go off the cliff. The beasts did not allow for a sidelong escape back to Stonehenge, and of course they could not enter the cave. As Jon watched the beasts grew larger, until they were mountainous creatures.

“Fuck me,” Jon whispered, just under his breath. “Rich, man, hurry up.”

When the first beast leapt, Morganna stepped forward, slashing at it with her sword. The blow glanced off the hide of the creature.

“They are armored!” Morganna cried. “You are going to have to aim for their unprotected areas!”

“Like what?” Jon yelled, swinging Excalibur toward another of the beasts with both hands. Sparks flew as the blade hit the muscled thigh of the creature in front of him.

“The head,” Fiona called back, as she swung for the closest beast. “Be aimin’ for the head!”

“They’re too fucking tall!” Jon screamed as he was knocked down. “And they’re coming too damned fast!”

“Then go for their bellies, where the armor doesn’t quite reach!” Fiona yelled, lunging at the creature in front of her. Her eyes widened as a thought came to her. “Sing! You can slow them down if you sing, remember?” She struck at the closest beast and hideous green blood seeped from a cut on its forehead. The demon roared with rage, shaking the very trees around them.

“What the hell am I supposed to sing?” Jon rolled away from the massive boot that was speeding toward his head.

“It does not matter!” Morganna yelled. “Just sing!”

Jon took a breath as he sprang to his feet, and sang the first thing that popped into his head. “A, B, C, D, E, F, G...”

“Alphabet?” Morganna shouted. “You’re singing the human English alphabet?”

“You said ‘just sing’ so that’s what I’m doing,” Jon sang. It appeared to be working. Maybe. “H, I, J, K, ellamennapee...”

“There is a letter called ‘ellamennapee’?” Fiona asked. The next blow she struck hit the beast in the stomach, and it staggered a bit before falling to one knee. The demon shook its head, trying to clear what had to be muddle-headedness from it.

“Sister, never mind,” Morganna yelled. “It is working. Keep going, Jon.”

“Q, R, S, T, U V,” Jon sang on as he lowered his sights, and swung with all his might at the demon he was fighting. The blade caught the soft flesh below the chest armor, and got stuck for a moment before pulling free with an audible POP!

“More!” Fiona called. “Sing more!”

Jon continued, “W, X, Y and Z.” He spun around, holding the sword at shoulder height, and struck his demon, knocking it off balance. “Hurry up, get out here, Rich, help me fight this demon bitch.”


A steely arm around her neck made Fiona gasp in surprise even as she was pulled back against an iron hard body. The smell of sulfur told her who had dared to put their hands on her. Her brother’s voice was loud in her ear when he yelled the order to “Hold” to his demons.

Suddenly, all the eyes in the clearing were turned on Fiona and her captor. Fiona couldn’t quite keep the sarcasm out of her voice when she growled, “It’s good to see you, brother dear.” The last word came out with a strangled gasp as he tightened his arm around her neck.

With a slight motion of his head, Lucifer’s demons disappeared leaving behind nothing but little puffs of smoke. “I’m sure you’re as happy to see me as I am to see you two,” Lucifer replied with saccharin sweetness.

Jon’s face was carefully blank, but the fire in his blue eyes wasn’t as easy to hide. “Let her go,” his voice actually sounded calm, like he was placing an order at a fine upscale New York restaurant.

Fiona opened her mouth to reassure Jon, but was cut off when Lucifer put the point of a sharp dagger against her chest. “One word, sister dear, and I’ll be happy to send you Home.”

She growled softly. “You wouldn’t want to give me that pleasure.”

“Don’t count on that,” he growled back, close to her ear.

Her eyes found Jon’s, and disregarding Lucifer’s threats, raised her voice so that Jon could hear her. “Don’t worry. He wouldn’t want me to be able to go Home.”

Lucifer tightened his hold on his sister, and the dagger point pierced her leather shirt, drawing one little drop of blood that Fiona felt dribble down her chest and abdomen. “Siren, I’m hoping you’re more intelligent than you look,” his voice was silky smooth as he continued, “I will happily dispatch my sister or anyone else on the face of this Earth to have control of Excalibur.”

Jon took a step toward Lucifer and Fiona, twirling Excalibur threateningly around at his side, her handle swirling expertly around his hand to land again in his palm. His voice turned downright frosty when he softly ordered again, “I said, let her go.”

Morganna laid one hand on Jon’s forearm halting his forward motion. “Careful, Jon.” She had already recognized the Dragon hilt of the dagger held at her sister’s heart. “That is a silver dagger.”

One corner of Lucifer’s mouth quirked upward in an evil half smile. “So perceptive,” he said, letting it sound like a true compliment. “Siren, I will let her go, if you agree to go with me.”

“No,” Morganna gasped with a shake of her head. “Don’t do it, Jon. He knows he cannot control Excalibur on his own. He needs you to wield it for him, and you must agree to go willingly.”

A fleeting thought sliced through Jon’s mind. Childhood dares and scary stories told by a campfire. “He can’t take you unless you go willingly, and he can’t come into your home unless invited.” A comforting thought to a mischievous little boy, but not so much to a grown man.

“And if I don’t?” he asked of the group, not aiming the question directly at Lucifer.

“I will kill her,” Lucifer stated flatly, his voice lacking even an inkling of inflection.

Jon’s eyes met Fiona’s over the steel band of her brother’s arm. He saw the slightest negative shake of her head and the pleading look in her eye, begging him not to do what her brother was demanding. He gave her a gentle smile, and lowered the point of Excalibur until it pointed toward the mossy green earth.

Jon took one step toward the pair of siblings, and Fiona cried out, “NO!”

“I’m sorry, Fee, but I can’t let him hurt you,” Jon told her softly, even as he took another step toward them in surrender.